Somewhere to Put It — Grief Counseling in Portland, ME
Grief does not need to be fixed, shortened, or explained to anyone. It does need somewhere to go. For nine years this has been a room in Portland where it is allowed to be exactly as large as it is.
You Are Not Behind, and It Is Not Too Late
Most people arrive here apologising for the timing. They came too soon, so it must be shock rather than grief. Or they came too late, so surely they should be over it by now. Both are said with the same embarrassment, often by people describing the same loss at different distances.
There is no schedule. The second year is frequently harder than the first, because that is when everybody else has gone back to their lives and the casseroles have stopped. Anniversaries reopen things eight years on. None of that is a sign of doing it wrong.
Hollowfield does bereavement work and nothing else. That means we are not fitting your loss around a general caseload, and it means we have sat with your particular kind of loss many times before — which is not the same as knowing what it is like, but does mean you will not have to explain the basics.
- ✓Bereavement and loss is the entire practice — no general caseload
- ✓No waiting list. Most people are seen within a week of calling
- ✓Individual sessions, small groups, or both at once if that helps
- ✓Sliding scale for bereaved families, and nobody has to justify asking
The Shape Grief Tends to Take
Not stages, and not in order. Four things people describe, usually in the wrong sequence and often more than once.
The part where nothing is real
Weeks of doing everything correctly — the paperwork, the phone calls, the thank-you notes — while feeling almost nothing. People are often frightened by how functional they are. It is not coldness. It is the mind rationing.
When everyone else moves on
Usually somewhere between month three and month eight. The visits stop, the messages thin out, and the expectation quietly arrives that you should be further along. This is the point at which most people first call someone.
The ambush
A song in a supermarket. Their handwriting on the back of an envelope. Years in, out of nowhere, a whole afternoon gone. Ambushes get further apart but they do not really stop, and knowing that in advance helps more than being told they will.
Carrying it rather than closing it
Not closure, which is a word almost nobody who has actually grieved uses. Something more like the loss staying exactly as big while the life around it slowly gets bigger too. That is what we are working towards, and it is achievable.
How We Help
Six kinds of loss work. If yours is not named here, it still belongs here — call and say so.
Not sure whether individual or group is right? Most people start with one and add the other later. We can talk it through before you decide anything.
Six People Who Do Not Need It Explained
Groups run for eight weeks, cap at six people, and are organised by kind of loss — spouse, child, parent, sudden death. That grouping matters more than it sounds. A person who lost a parent at eighty and a person who lost a child at nine do not need each other's company as much as they need someone who knows their specific weather.
You are not required to speak. Several people have come to a whole eight weeks and said almost nothing, and reported afterwards that being in a room where nobody flinched was the useful part.
There is no crosstalk rule, no sharing circle, and no forced going-round. It is a facilitated conversation among people who have each stopped mid-sentence for the same reason and do not have to apologise for it.
Groups start in September, January and April. The cost is $280 for the eight weeks, and it is waived for anyone who says it is a problem.
- ✓Eight weeks, six people, grouped by kind of loss
- ✓No obligation to speak, ever — attending counts
- ✓New groups start in September, January and April
- ✓$280 for the eight weeks, waived on request without questions
There Is Very Little to It
Three steps, and no commitment at any of them.
Say what happened, briefly
Call, or write two lines in the form. You do not need to explain or justify anything, and you will not be asked follow-up questions by anyone who is not a counsellor.
A first session, unhurried
Ninety minutes rather than the usual fifty, because a first telling should not be cut off by a clock. It costs the same as a standard session.
Whatever comes next, at your pace
Weekly, fortnightly, monthly, a group, or nothing further. Some people come four times. Some come for two years. Both are ordinary and neither is the goal.
What It Costs, Plainly
Bereavement often arrives at the same time as funeral costs and a lost income, so it seems wrong to make anyone hunt for this.
Individual sessions are $150 for 50 minutes. The first session runs 90 minutes and is charged at the same $150. The eight-week group is $280 in total.
We are in network with Anthem and Harvard Pilgrim. For other plans we provide a superbill for out-of-network reimbursement. Worth knowing: uncomplicated grief is not itself a billable diagnosis, so insurance coverage for bereavement work is genuinely patchy and we will tell you honestly what to expect before you rely on it.
Six sliding-scale places are held open at all times for bereaved families, starting at $60. There is no form, no means test, and nobody is asked to prove anything. You say the fee is a problem and we lower it.
- ✓$150 per session, including the longer 90-minute first session
- ✓$280 for the eight-week group, waived on request
- ✓In network with Anthem and Harvard Pilgrim; superbill otherwise
- ✓Six sliding-scale places from $60 — just say so, no paperwork
Shared With Permission, Names Shortened
Four months after my husband died I was still being told, kindly, that I was doing so well. Here was the first place where somebody asked what the mornings were actually like and then just let the answer sit there. I did not have to manage anyone else's feelings about it for an hour a week, and it turns out that was the thing I needed most.
I came fourteen months after my daughter and I honestly believed I had left it too long to count as grief. Nobody here treated it as late. The group was six people who all knew exactly why I stopped mid-sentence.
My mother was still alive when I started coming, which felt like cheating. It wasn't. Having somewhere to put the year before she died meant that when it happened I was not starting from nothing.
Things People Ask Before Calling
How soon after a death should I come?
Whenever you want to. There is no window that is too early and none that has closed. Some people call from the week of the funeral and some call on the eleventh anniversary. Both are extremely common, and the eleventh-anniversary calls are often the ones where somebody has been carrying it alone the longest.
Is this the same as a support group I could join for free?
It is not a replacement for one, and free peer-led groups in Portland do real good — we will happily point you at them. The difference is that these groups are facilitated by a bereavement counsellor, capped at six, and grouped by kind of loss, which changes what can be said in them.
Will you make me talk about the death itself?
No. Some people need to tell it in detail many times and some need never to describe it at all. Both are legitimate ways through. You set what gets said and there is no version of this where you are pushed towards a retelling you have not asked for.
What if I do not cry and everyone thinks I am cold?
Then you are in reasonably good company. A significant number of people who come here have not cried once and are quietly frightened by that. It is not a measure of love, and it very often has more to do with what you were allowed to do with feelings long before this loss.
Do you work with children and teenagers?
We see teenagers from fifteen, usually alongside a parent for the first session. For younger children we refer to two child bereavement specialists in Portland whom we trust and can introduce you to directly — we would rather do that than stretch outside what we do well.
How long will I need to come for?
Genuinely unknowable at the start, and anyone who tells you otherwise is guessing. Plenty of people come four to six times and stop. Others come for a year or more, often with long gaps. We will not keep you longer than is useful, and we will say so if we think you are done.
There Is No Right Time to Call, Only Whenever You Do
Two lines are enough. Nobody will ask you follow-up questions before a counsellor has read it, and you will not be added to any list.
Ask About a First Session
Write as little as you like — a name and what happened is plenty. A counsellor replies personally, usually within one business day. If you would rather write than fill in a form, email hello@hollowfieldgrief.com or call (207) 555-0198.